What's the secrets to a long-term relationship? Incredibe good looks & charms, or simply someone who promises stability?
BY ARFEEN KHAN | MAY 28, 2009
Does a slender, sexy girl ever get attracted towards a fat guy? Yes, very much?in comedy movies; but alas, not so much in real life. The traditional theory of ?opposites attract? in case of men and women choosing their partners has been laughed at and sent packing by a more recent theory. The theory that ?opposites attract? is a myth, say a group of U.S scientists who have found men and women are more likely to choose partners who are similar ? or they believe are similar ? to themselves. Both sexes are most likely to attract individuals who look like them and have the same wealth, social status and share the same outlook towards family and fidelity, the new research suggests.
The research also indicates that an ideal match is more important and marriage between equivalent people has the best chance of success, say the scientists from Cornell University in New York. They believe too many differences between a couple causes instability. If one partner is better looking or has a higher social status, they may be tempted to ?trade up? and find a better quality match, say the scientists. Between similar matches there was less chance of breaking apart and therefore more stability to bring up children. The results were based on questionnaires by 978 students aged between 18 and 24. Respondents were asked to rank the importance they placed on 10 attributes in a long-term partner. The students were then asked to rate themselves based on the same attributes. The attributes were grouped into four ?evolutionary relevant? categories: wealth and status, family commitment, physical appearance and sexual fidelity. The scientists found men and women who rated themselves highly were more selective than those who did not. Attributes that individuals rated highly in others, they also rated as important in themselves. The findings explain why marriages between similar matches were more popular and successful than that of non-matching or odd couples. ?From the public?s perspective, our results suggest that individuals seeking stable long-term relationships should not seek the highest quality partner available, but should simply look for partners who are similar to themselves,? they said. The findings were published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Scientists. However differences to some extent are good for a relationship; since too many similarities among couples may become boring.
MEN DON?T FALL IN LOVE WITH THEIR BOSSES; WOMEN DO
A man would talk well with her, behave courteously, work excess hours for her, but will almost never fall in love with his attractive boss of the opposite sex. But a woman would. Men are more likely to fall in love and want to marry women who are their assistants at work rather than their colleagues or bosses, a study finds. The study, published by the Evolution and Human Behaviour journal, highlights the importance of relational dominance in mate selection and discusses the evolutionary utility of male concerns about mating with dominant females. ?These findings provide empirical support for the widespread belief that powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less accomplished women,? says Stephanie Brown, lead author of the study and a social psychologist at the Institute for Social Research (ISR).
For the study, 120 male and 208 female undergraduates were tested by asking them to rate their attraction and desire to affiliate with a man and a woman they were said to know from work. ?Imagine that you have just taken a job and that Kiran (or Kabir) is your immediate supervisor (or your peer, or your assistant),? study participants were told as they were shown a photo of a male or a female. After seeing the photo and hearing the description of the person?s role at work in relation to their own, participants were asked to use a 9-point Likert scale (1 is not at all, 9 is very much) to rate the extent to which they would enjoy going to a party with Kiran or Kabir, exercising with the person, dating the person and marrying the person. The study found that males, not females, were most strongly attracted to subordinate partners for high-investment activities such as marriage and dating. Brown explained that the pattern is so because males preferred long term relationship with subordinates since they believed that infidelity will be higher in their partners if their investment in the relationships is higher. The researchers say that the current findings are consistent with earlier research showing that expressions of weakness enhance female attractiveness. Strength makes them unattractive to men. ?Our results also provide further explanation for why males might attend to dominance-linked characteristics of women such as relative age or income, and why adult males typically prefer partners who are younger and make less money.?
EIGHT PEROSNALTIY QUALTIES THAT WIN WOMEN LIKE MAGIC
? Women respond to certain men by default, mostly for the man?s personality, communication, achievements, etc ? not so much for his looks. Come on, don?t grumble if you look like Tom Cruise. Looks are an added advantage; they attract teenage girls for them to develop a crush on you; but good looks are not nearly as important in the long run as personality in case of mature women near your age.
? These personalities can be divided into two basic groups: The Lover and The Contributor.
? Women respond to Lover personalities quickly.
? Women also respond to Contributor personalities but slower; make the man prove that he will stay loyal for the long run.
? There are also several ?unsuccessful? personality types. These guys are not attractive to most women and have a tough time finding a partner (alas!).
These are the two mental roads; Lover (short term) or Contributer (long term). If you get on one road, it?s hard to get off. So choose wisely.
For each of the two successful personality types, there are four variations. These are created by combining the factors of ?dominant Vs submissive? with the basic personalities. This brings the total to eight sub-types that are successful with women. Take a look at the eight personalities with the appeals that they have to women:
Lover Personalities
? The bad boy (symbolizes danger) Someone who?s dangerous and thrilling to be around; women like them for sure.
? The adventurer (symbol of fun) Someone who?s fun and exciting to be around; women don?t get attracted to nerds and geeks
? The Seducer (sex) Someone who is sensual and sexy and tickles her urge for sex.
? Artist (Musician/singer, writer) (emotion) Someone who moves her emotions and is enigmatic and symbolizes talent.
Contributor Personalities
? Successful Guy (resources) Someone who provides a great lifestyle and stability. Has a stable, successful career.
? Daddy (control) Someone who tells her what to do and controls her like her father; makes her feel like a small girl.
? Regular Guy (loyalty) Someone who is down to earth. Loyal and stable; doesn?t mess around.
? Pampering guy (her boy) Someone who gives her whatever she wants; almost spoils her (not literally).
Most of the women in this world will respond to all of these personalities to one extent or another.
SEVEN QUALTIIES THAT WIN MEN LIKE MAGIC
Charm: All women do not resemble Salma Hayek or Penelope Cruise, yet there is something about them that wins men?s hearts. What?s that? What is that quality in a woman that draws men to those women who may not be otherwise very good looking. No marks for guessing the correct answer; it?s their charm, grace, personality.
A good body: Men are attracted to good bodies and curvy shapes since prehistoric time. It has been found out from study that the waist: hip measurement ratio for women should be 7:10 in order to pop the eyeballs of men from their sockets. In general men like slender bodies with slightly large bust.
A beautiful face: From Cleopatra to Aishwariya Rai; beautiful faces win the hearts of men effortlessly. While this is not the top priority: it is helpful to admit that men find women who please their eyes.
Honesty & trust: Men may be easily attracted to sizzling hot, wild females; but he will not take her home. Men choose trustworthy women for long-lasting relationships. Men want someone they can confide in. The most successful relationships are built upon trust, candor and honesty; anything else is equivalent to building a house on quicksand.
Sense of humour: This will forever remain a priority for any man. Men need a woman who will put a smile on their faces when things are gloomy. Men don?t like geeks for their partners.
Intelligence & confidence: Previous generations probably preferred a smart woman ? not just book smart, but also street smart. But truth be told ? many men did not want an overly smart woman; after all, it would be too hard to tame and control her. So, intelligence is needed, but in small quantities.
Ambition & drive: If a partner is what a man seeks, then he will have to find a woman who will challenge him and stir him emotionally. So, a perfect woman is one who is not afraid to pursue her dreams and goals in life.
