Just when you think you’ve found the one you wake up to find the relationship is over. Now what do you do? How do you get over him?
BY SUPRIYA DAVDA | APR 20, 2010
I often have friends asking “Why did he do this to me?” or “Why me?”. So there right in front of me was the answer to all the those questions, "He’s Just Not That into You", with regret, it is the Ugly Truth. Heart-break is possibly the worst pain ever and to mend the heart back again takes some time and work.
So what are the best ways to get over him? Friends, mum’s, sisters will tell you all sorts but only you can deal with this problem.
Before anything, the one thing you need to know is that it’s always good to cry, buckets full, it’s a weight of your shoulder, so shed away.
Numero 1: Don’t listen to other people’s advice
There is no doubt that the advice is meant to be helpful but you are the only person who can help yourself. Believe it or not, but you know what’s right for you. It may take you some time to figure out what “right” is but just make sure you don’t confuse yourself by listening to other people’s advice. So this now brings me to step 2.
Numero 2: Accept yourself
The end of a relationship can be very stressful. You may not always make the right choices at first; and you may not behave in a not so flattering manner and make some serious mistakes. We’ve all acted in some pretty weird ways and have done some very strange things, a tad obsessive at times too, but that’s okay, be accepting of where you currently are in your healing process. We all have different healing patterns, but the one aim you should have is to move forward. So give yourself a break and be accepting of where you are right now – don’t rush it and be others say you should. Only you know what you can handle when.
Numero 3: Mustn’t blame
When a relationship ends it is easy to start pointing fingers and placing blame, believing that it has to be someone else’s fault, like his mother maybe. But you must accept that this relationship ran its course. I’m sure there are things that you did or said that you wish you could change now, and you may also believe that those things you said or did cause the relationship to change.
Numero 4: Face reality
If he told you its over, then its over. An extremely hard fact to accept even if he talks to you the next time you see him, still calls once in a while or it seems like he still cares. Stop reading more into his actions then what is really there, stop wishing and hoping that the situation was different. Thoughts such as this keeps you in the past and stops you from moving through the healing process and better things to come. Just think, if you are too busy trying to hold on to something that is no longer there your true love may walk right by and you will never meet him. Wouldn't want that now would you?
Numero 5: Listen to your Intuition, there’s a little voice in our heads!
In an uncanny way our intuitions are always right. That little voice in your head gives you hints about how you feel and what you believe, now listen to it. Your intuition will help you make the right choices for you. It will help you face the reality, so girls pay attention to what that little voice is telling you.
Numero 6: A cry for Help!
If you can’t move past the loss of this relationship alone, then ask for help. And when I say ask for help, ask from a non-biased person – not your best friend or your mum. They can be a great support system when you need to vent, but be careful they can be part of the reason you’re having trouble moving on.
Numero 7: Who needs a punch bag?
Allowing yourself to get angry is a great way for moving through the pain. Lets be real, you are going to get mad, its all part and parcel of a broken relationship. So release the anger. But having said that you need to find a safe channel for your angry feelings. Don’t vent out your irritation on others and you can’t just go over to your ex’s house or wherever you see him and punch him out – I know that’s what you were all thinking. You need to find another opening for your rage, maybe running, punching a pillow, join kickboxing. Whatever method you choose – its up to. Just let it out….phew
Numero 8: Forgive
After releasing your anger the next stage is to forgive. Personally I think forgiveness releases you from the past so you can begin to move forward. And when talking about forgiveness its not only “ex” you forgive but yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the relationship and stop dwelling on them, instead one must learn from them. Forgive him for breaking your heart or the mistakes he made. Forgiveness is really about giving up the belief that you can change the past. Let go, and move forth.
Numero 9: Reconnection.
Undoubtedly this is a blissful stage of forgiving and forgetting. An end of a relationship is a great opportunity to get reconnected with yourself, its almost like discovering yourself again. During the relationship we tend to make our boyfriend or partner our priority and you don’t really think about yourself. We all change, evolve or stay stagnate depending on what type of relationship we were in. Now is the time to reacquaint with your best friend – you!
Numero 10: Moving ahead!
Now we’ve come to the end stage, you must think of what you want your life book to look like, now you are no longer in a relationship. We all have a vision of what we may want our “ideal” future to look like. And now you have the chance to make it ideal for you. Think about what you really want your future to look like? What steps can you take to start making that beautiful future ahead of you a reality? Make this change as of today!
Congratulations you've just completed the ten steps to getting over him. Start taking the steps to getting over him and begin to design the future you want!
